Women’s Sexuality: Why Her Body Says “Yes” When Her Head Says “No

For women, sexual excitement is also characterized by the appearance of vaginal lubrication, produced by vasocongestion in the vaginal walls.

Research in female sexuality is fractionated. Significant contributions in specific areas, such as assessment, treatment, or understanding of sexual phenomena have not necessarily led to offshoot contributions in related areas. Mirroring the field of human sexuality, the study of women’s sexuality has lacked an overarching conceptual basis with which to compare, evaluate, and guide ongoing research; hence, to significantly advance sexual science, it has been suggested that we must develop comprehensive theories and constructs that describe, explain, and predict sexual phenomena ().


Any woman who has been in this situation might go on a guilt trip about the “yes” decision she made. But she shouldn’t—not when her head says, “no.” Scientists have discovered that women’s yes/no sex debates stem from the very core of their biological processes. It is not something women simply conjure up in their minds. In fact, studies show that it is common for a woman to have the maybe-yes/maybe-no debate up to 20% of the time she feels sexually aroused.

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Sometimes, a woman’s body says yes while her heart says no. What does this mean?

“Remember this: If your head says no, you are not ready for sex. Period.”

Putting the Yes/No Sexual Debate Into Perspective

Let’s look at the mind versus bodily excitement where men and women are different or similar.

1. Sexual Arousal Is Only Half the Ballgame

Sexual relationships do not take place in a mental vacuum. That is the case unless you and your partner are working hard at having a no-strings-attached affair. Sometimes, of course, no-strings-attached does not work out that way, and a person feels lousy afterward. That’s because you slip and get emotionally involved and maybe guilt-trip yourself over it.

That happens because there are five relationship feelings that can engage when you are being intimate with a partner: the sexual feeling, the in-love feeling, feelings of friendship, the feeling of being a couple, and the feeling of wanting to help each other. This is why, from a biological standpoint, sex does not always happen in a mental and emotional blackout

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2. Women Evaluate a Sexual Situation on Two Different Levels

This creates two different takes on a sexual situation: the physical and the mental. These two perspectives arise from two semi-independent biological processes. So it’s natural that, on occasion, a woman will have conflicting feelings about sex. Her physical feelings of arousal just do not match her thoughts. In certain situations, a woman may be focusing on the emotions rising from her thought process so intently that she may not even notice that she is physically aroused.

3. Women Have Conditional Feelings of Excitement

Women’s emotional urges to have sex are generally dependent on the situation that she finds herself in. It’s normal for a woman to be thinking: “Is it safe, secure, non-hostile, interesting, or just plain cool?” The relationship itself generally matters to a woman. This is why women are concerned about men being friendly, helping, and cooperative partners. These things tend to make sexuality an intimate emotional act that takes place with a particular partner. Sex is generally personalized, in other words, unless a woman suppresses these emotions so she can have the sexual experience without any feelings of attachment.

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4. Men Have Fewer Conflicting Feelings About Sex

Men’s emotional responses are often more closely aligned with their physical responses. That means that a man generally has a hard time arguing against his erection. Men, of course, are aware of the emotional aspects of sexual relations. But they do not monitor the difference between their emotional and physical feelings as closely as women do. Further, men are often less emotionally engaged toward a possible partner when compared to women.

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5. Men Focus More of Their Attention on Sexuality Itself

Some men’s awareness is more self-focused when compared to a woman’s response. This may give off the impression that men need to take charge of sexual activity–as if testosterone propels them to be sexually aggressive. But sexual aggressiveness is not related to testosterone levels whatsoever. Rather, aggressiveness is a product of a man’s values and his life experiences. Aggressiveness is not some innate male compulsion. So a woman should not change her mind when a man is badgering and guilt-tripping her to have sex. This is simply an act of a man’s supposed self-power.

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“A woman should not change her mind when a man is badgering and guilt-tripping her to have sex. This is simply an act of a man’s supposed self-power.”

6. Some Men Have Limited Emotional Engagement

Men get emotionally involved when they are in love and the friendship or family-feeling buttons get pressed. Sometimes a man isn’t aware of his emotional involvement in a sexual relationship until after the fact. Men, like women, are hit with bonding hormones when they reach orgasm. That makes them want to be with their partners. But some men and women have learned to suppress those thoughts and feelings.

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