Kissing someone for the first time can be a bit scaring irrespective of your sex, especially if it’s your first time kissing anyone! This article will show you how to kiss and help you feel less scared about doing it for the first time.
You might be in one of the following situations:
- There’s someone you really like and you’re going to kiss soon. Maybe you’ve talked about it, you’re planning something special, or you just feel like it could happen.
- There’s someone you like and you hope to kiss them one day.
- You’re just curious how it will work when the time comes.
Steps to the First Kiss
Kissing isn’t as hard as it seems. Most people think they don’t know how, but it happens they’re really good at it!
Before: OMG Are We Going to Kiss!?
- Make sure you and your breath smell good. Shower and wear deodorant. Brush your teeth and tongue. Floss. Don’t eat stinky foods (avoid spicy food, onions, and garlic). Try smelling your breath.
- Drink water to keep your mouth moist and fresh. Feel free to pop in a mint or a piece of gum and then spit it out beforehand, but keep it discreet, or offer it to the other person too.
- Prep your lips. Kissable lips are smooth, not dry, and not coated with sticky lip gloss or tons of lipstick. If your lips are chapped, you can rub them with sugar to get some of the dry skin off.
- Think about where you might like to kiss. It should be private and somewhere or sometimes where you won’t have many distractions or be worried about other people. You’ll want to keep as much focus on the other person as possible.
- Flirting by tickling, teasing, poking, or finding ways to touch their hand or arm can help show that you want to kiss. If you’re sitting next to each other, move so your knees, legs, or arms are touching. Touch their arms or shoulders, or put a gentle hand on their thigh.
- Read the other person’s body language. If they’re touching you back, looking into your eyes, and smiling, then they probably want to kiss you too. If they’re biting their lips or staring at yours, that’s also a good sign they want to kiss.
- If you’re ready to kiss, look deep into the other person’s eyes. Focus on them. You might get a feeling in your stomach like, whoah we’ve been looking at each other for a while. This is the perfect time to kiss.
- If you’re very shy, it’s okay to ask if you can kiss someone. If they like you, they’ll say yes. If not, they won’t. If they like you but they’re not ready, hopefully, they’ll say so.
- If someone asks you if you want to kiss, just respond truthfully.
- If you’re staring into each others’ eyes wondering why you’re not kissing yet, you could say something like, “Shouldn’t we be kissing now?” or “Don’t you want to kiss me?”
Just Before and During: You’re Kissing!
- Move your face closer to theirs. You don’t want to have to lunge for a kiss. If you’re standing, stand close to them, so your toes are almost touching. If you’re sitting, turn a little to face them and move your face closer to theirs or put your arm around them. If you’re hugging, you could put your forehead on their forehead. Now your lips are even closer.
- When you’re going in for the kiss, don’t go all the way. Move about 90% and then let them come the rest of the way. That way you know they want to kiss you too.
- If they’re stiffening or pulling away, it’s time to stop. It takes two to kiss, and if the other person isn’t on board, then there’s no kiss. Move back to flirting and maybe a kiss will happen later on.
- As you move your face towards theirs, tilt your head slightly to the right so you avoid knocking noses. If you do knock noses, though, just laugh it off and keep going for the kiss.
- Part your lips slightly, as if you were breathing through your mouth (but don’t breathe through your mouth).
- If someone is moving in to kiss you, all you need to do is relax, tilt your head slightly to the right, keep your lips soft and slightly parted, close your eyes, and then meet their lips with yours.
- Aim for one lip (usually the lower one)—it feels better than both lips pressing each other.
- When you get there, close your eyes and gently brush their lips with yours and linger for a little bit. This is not the time to try to imitate the most passionate kiss you’ve seen from the movies. When in doubt, go even more gentle and short. Keep it simple. The first kiss shouldn’t last longer than four or five seconds.
- Breathe through your nose.
- While kissing, you can hold their hand, put your hands around their waist in a slow dance position, gently cup or stroke their face, play with their hair, or put your hands around their neck. Other locations (you know where I’m talking about) can wait to be touched.
- If someone is kissing you harder than you’d like or with tongue when you don’t want any, you should feel free to pull away and say, “I like it when you kiss me gently, like this.”
After: We Just Kissed!
- Afterward, pull away and look into their eyes. You don’t have to say anything right away. Smile or play with their hair. Maybe go in for another simple kiss, just like the previous one.
- If you do want to say something it could be something simple like, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” “You’re great,” “You’re so beautiful/handsome/cute/pretty” or even just, “I like you.”
- A hug is a great way to part ways, maybe with another gentle kiss, a kiss on the cheek, or saying when you’ll see them or contact them next, something like “I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” or “Want to hang out this weekend?”
- If the kiss was awkward, that’s okay. It’s rare you’ll be great at something the first time you try it. If you really like each other, there’s no reason you won’t kiss many more times and get lots better at it.
- Be careful about who you tell about kissing. Make sure you’re on the same page with the other person with how public you want to be. It’s no fun to show up at school and find out that everyone knows. Be respectful of everyone’s feelings.
- Also, remember that the first kiss is not about making out. It’s about letting the other person know that you like them. Maybe in the future, you can go a little further with longer kisses or even french kissing.
Important Things to Remember for Your First Kiss
- No matter how old you are, there are other people your age who have never kissed anyone before. It has nothing to do with looks. So don’t feel like this is a now-or-never situation. You’re going to have plenty more opportunities to kiss in your life.
- First kisses are almost always awkward. Laughter and a good sense of humor will help make it a great experience for everyone. Remember the first time you tried to play a sport or an instrument? Kissing is a skill just like those things. You’re not going to do it perfectly the first time.
- If you’re kissing someone who is more experienced than you, don’t be embarrassed that you haven’t kissed anyone before. It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. Everyone starts out where you are. Remember that they’re excited to kiss you too!
- You should only kiss someone because you want to. Don’t do it if you feel like you need to kiss someone or it’s never going to happen, because someone really wants to kiss you, or because you think you should want to kiss someone.
- If you’re in a situation where you feel pressure to do anything you don’t want to, that’s a sign that it isn’t right. You can tell the other person that it just doesn’t feel right, and they should be understanding. If they’re not, then that’s an even bigger sign that they’re not right for you.
- Remember to breathe. Often when we’re nervous, we kind of hold our breath. Taking a few deep breaths will help you relax and enjoy.
- Your first kiss does not determine your kissing future. If it’s bad, that’s okay. You’ll get better with practice. If you get rejected, that’s okay too. You’ll find someone who wants to kiss you.
- Sometimes first kisses are special, and sometimes they’re not. Don’t feel like this has to be the best moment ever.
General Kissing Advice
- A first kiss should always be spontaneous, soft, slow, and not messy at all!
- If your partner kisses you first, you might open your lips a little, but no french kissing. It would ruin the first kiss and be sloppy. The idea is to press your lips up against your partner’s but not too much. Make sure your position is comfortable too, so you’re not in pain while kissing.
- Another good way to kiss your partner is to start by kissing him or her softly on the cheek—then when he or she looks at you, you can kiss him or her softly on the lips.
- Remember, a first kiss might go most smoothly while you two are alone. Things might not be so good when friends—or jealous exes—are watching.
- Make sure the person you want to kiss wants to kiss you back. This is the most important thing.
- Talking about a first kiss before it happens can be sweet but is also dangerous. It may cause you or your special someone to worry, and in the end, it may come out way too rehearsed—it’s more romantic to be spontaneous.
- Just remember, if the person likes you, they’ll understand starting out slowly is better.