When you watch a couple seriously making out in a movie, you probably look at it and think, “hmm, that doesn’t look so easy!” In some ways, you’re right. It’s very easy to get French kissing wrong.
After all, nobody likes to feel like someone is literally pushing their tongue firmly into their mouth and swirling it around. But, when you know how to French kiss, it’s not only super-easy from that point on but very enjoyable too.
Be honest, have you ever had someone tell you not to slip in the tongue after engaging in a smooch-fest?
We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but if this has ever happened to you, you could probably use some pointers on French kissing!
But don’t panic. We have all the tricks you could ever need for how to French kiss the *right* way and have your lover coming back for more.
French kissing is delicious!
Whether you’re licking your lips, swirling your tongue around theirs, or you’re performing some fantastic oral favors, tongues are visual, mental, and physical turn-ons!
When done right, French kissing is one of the most passionate ways to show affection to your partner while also making for some hot and heavy foreplay.
This makes knowing how to use that tongue all the more essential, especially since there are so many ways you can have a major kiss-fail when it comes to Frenching!
We’re looking at some helpful “dos” and “don’ts” on how to French kiss and which tongue-tastic methods to avoid! Without further ado, let’s get kissing!
But wait up, what is French kissing?
Before we get into the do’s and don’ts, we need to back-pedal for a second. What exactly is French kissing? We don’t want you to have the wrong impression before we start telling you what to do and what not to do!
French kissing is the super-passionate smoochy style you see in movies and on TV. It’s when two people use their tongue to touch the lips of the other person or the other person’s tongue too. It’s sometimes called a ‘tongue kiss’ or ‘Frenching.’
You probably already knew what this type of kiss looks like, but maybe you weren’t aware of the name. In that case, we’re now totally on the same page.
Let’s get down to learning how to French kiss like a smooching pro!
Don’t be a boring kisser!
Nobody wants to kiss a boring kisser. A kiss sets the tone for every aspect of an intimate relationship left to come, from sex and other intimate activities all the way to a potential long-term connection.
If the kiss is boring, everything else will be too!
Different ways to French kiss
If you’re wondering if there are different ways to French kiss – yes! Here are a few of them that you can try.
1. Lizard or “Lizzy” kiss
If you have seen how a lizard sticks its tongue out, you’ll get the idea about this French kiss. Both partners stick their tongues out and kiss each other without using their lips. Some people like it, but some people don’t. Give it a try for yourself!
2. Lip trace kiss
This type of kiss is playful and flirty. A lip-trace kiss is also very sweet. For this style, you should trace your partner’s lips with your tongue and gently kiss them in between. It adds some spice to the moment and leaves your partner craving more.
3. Spiderman kiss
Just like in the Spiderman movie, this is a great way to turn your partner on. In order to do it, the face of your partner needs to be upside down so that your upper lip kisses their lower lip and vice versa. This style is unique, sensual, and easy to do.
4. Wet kiss
Not everyone likes this style, so make sure your partner thinks it’s a good idea before you try it. A wet kiss is an open-mouthed kiss and uses a little bit of wetness while kissing. While it can be a turn-on, it can also be messy.
The must-know tips for French kissing!
It shouldn’t be surprising that there are many, many things that can go wrong if you’re trying to French kiss your partner, especially if you are new or unpracticed at it.
In fact, many teenagers and adults alike tend to leave their tongues out of their kissing routine due to a bad experience!
Too much tongue, for example, can be a major turn-off. Lack of coordination or confidence can also be a major hit to your technique. That’s why we’re going to give you a few helpful hints on how to French kiss the right way!
1. Watch your breath
There is nothing worse than having someone jam their tongue inside your mouth right after chowing down on some shawarma!
Onion breath? No, thank you! Do your lover a favor and rinse with mouthwash, or take a big gulp of water and pop a mint before engaging in spit swapping.
2. Don’t go straight in with your tongue!
And when we say never, we mean never! This is a massive turn-off, especially if you’re kissing the person for the first time or you’re in a new romantic entanglement.
Just because someone has indicated they want to kiss you doesn’t mean they want to swap saliva with you already. Don’t force it, it could backfire and turn them off completely.
3. Get into a groove before trying out tongue
No matter what kind of kiss you’re having, it is important to get into a steady rhythm before trying anything new. Use this as a rule of thumb for any sexual or intimate encounter you have!
It’s especially a great rule of thumb to use when kissing because it will avoid confusion or your tongues getting mixed up and things getting awkward.
Let your bodies naturally lean into the next step when you’re in a groove.
4. Allow them to make the first move *tongue-wise, that is*
When using tongues, the best way to avoid an awkward pause or an unwanted move is to let your partner slip the first tongue in.
If you give this a go first and it doesn’t go to plan, it could end up with a break in the groove or an awkward *probably, last* kissing encounter, which would set a bad tone for the whole relationship.
5. Don’t shove your tongue down their throat
Did you know that a cow’s tongue is about a foot long in length? We’re not suggesting yours is the same length, but when you attempt to ram it down someone’s throat, it can feel that long!
When it comes to learning how to French kiss, never underestimate the importance of the tongue-to-mouth ratio! Nobody likes getting a giant glob of tongue shoved down their throat.
Nobody’s getting turned on by that nonsense.
6. Tease your kissing partner
French kissing should be like long, drawn-out foreplay. A big, sexy tease!
Instead of ramming your tongue into your lover’s mouth straight away, try doing very gentle flicks of your tongue against theirs in between normal kisses.
This occasional contact between wet, gliding tongues adds just the right amount of eroticism to your kiss. It’s always better to be slow and gentle with careful, curious touches of your tongue than to just go all in from the start.
7. Don’t drown your partner in saliva
There’s nothing worse than kissing in a horizontal position and having buckets of your lover’s spit fall into your mouth. Eww!
If your partner wanted a tall glass of water to drink, they’d head to the kitchen and grab one themselves! Do everyone a favor and practice swallowing during your kissing sesh. It’s just common courtesy!
You can also control the amount of saliva you’re producing by sticking to gentle and slow movements – the faster you go, the more spit you’re likely to produce.
8. Keep your tongue soft
A soft tongue rubbing against another soft tongue is beyond a turn-on. Kissing should be fun, so relax and keep your tongue totally chill while making out.
A hard tongue may be great for oral, but it sucks for kissing.
9. Don’t French kiss like you’re in high school
This means avoiding rubbing your tongues back and forth in a rapid manner and swirling your tongues around in circles like you’re trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop!
These are bad, dated techniques that should be done away with immediately. You should not be kissing like a washing machine on a spin cycle!
10. Work on your technique
The point of French kissing is to build sexual anticipation.
Some girls like to take their partner’s tongues into their mouths and suck on them gently, as they would a penis.
This might seem a little silly at first, but it can certainly get the point across to your man. Just make sure you only throw it in there once during your session in order to keep it feeling fresh.
Other great methods for French kissing include using slow, sensual flicks of the tongue, running your tongue across the bottom of their teeth *if they’re clean!* or licking the inside of their bottom lip.
11. Don’t be lazy
Have you ever kissed someone who just wasn’t giving back?
A flopping, uncooperative tongue is definitely no fun when it comes to French kissing. If you and your partner are engaging in a heavy make-out session, make sure you’re participating equally.
12. Incorporate the rest of your body
Learning how to French kiss has to do with way more than just your tongue. You’ve got to get your whole body involved. French kissing should be a form of foreplay. It should be a fun, exciting, writhingly good sexual connection with your partner.
Incorporate the rest of your body by pressing your bodies up against one another, touching their hair and face, or caressing other erogenous zones *with consent, of course*. This is a great way to incorporate your whole body into a French kiss and amp up the passion.
However, if it’s the first time you’re kissing someone this way, perhaps just stick to stroking their neck and touching their back/chest instead. It’s up to you to read the room and act accordingly!
13. Don’t doubt yourself
One of the biggest ways you can set yourself into a panic about how well you’re kissing is by doubting your abilities right off the bat.
Kissing isn’t like riding a bicycle. Sometimes it takes a bit of practice to know what you like, what you love, and what you absolutely hate!
Yes, there may be some hits and misses over time while you try different techniques, but in the end, just do what feels natural, what feels good, and whatever turns you on!
14. Start off with a normal kiss and build up
Don’t go straight in there with an open mouth! That’s nothing short of terrifying. Instead, start off with a regular lip-to-lip kiss and move your lips against theirs until you’re slowly opening your mouth and allowing your tongue to touch theirs.
Read their reaction and act alongside it. It may sound like you’d be thinking too much, but it’s really not like that.
You’ll just instinctively go with the flow, and before you know it, you’ll be open-mouth kissing with plenty of tongue. Just don’t jump straight in!
15. Don’t overthink it
When you’re learning how to French kiss and you’ve got a list of do’s and don’ts to follow, it’s easy to start overthinking things a little too much.
Don’t! We’ve just said that it will be almost instinctive once you get started, and that’s the truth!
If you start to catch yourself thinking about what you’re doing, whether your partner likes it, or what you should do next, stop yourself and get back into the moment.
Just focus on the sensations and the fun you’re having, and it will flow so much better for both of you. It’s meant to be fun – chill out!
16. Close your eyes
Hopefully, this one goes without saying. Close your eyes when you’re French kissing; otherwise, it could be super weird!
Nobody wants to be touching tongues with someone who is literally staring into their eyes from less than a centimeter away. Your partner is more likely to run than to stick around for more of your smooching action!
17. Or… enhance the moment by adding eye contact if you prefer
Everything is improved with eye contact. The eyes are the windows to the soul, after all. Lock eyes with your paramour and watch their soul light up with excitement.
Your eyes should entice them in again, inviting them to dive further into your romance with another kiss.
18. Don’t overdo it in public
Sometimes, the passion just overtakes you, and you can’t stop yourself. We get it. But do try to find the right time and place. Remember that there are people just trying to go about their day around you, and they don’t want to see you swapping saliva!
19. Remember to breathe!
You really don’t want to go blue in the face and pass out, no matter how much you’re enjoying your kissing session.
Make sure that you take the time to pull away just a fraction and smile at your partner or look into their eyes.
This will give you time to breathe for a second before carrying on. You’re not supposed to hold your breath completely while kissing, but sometimes it’s not the best idea to sniffle right in their face, either.
You should be able to breathe easily through your nose while you’re kissing your partner but if you’re struggling or you need to take more air in, just pull back ever so slightly for a second.
And if you don’t want to break the flow while catching a breath, just slip down to their neck and kiss or nibble under their chin or around their neck.
This will give you enough time to breathe comfortably and keep the kisses flowing in between all the French kissing!
20. Mix it up
If you’ve found that running your tongue gently against theirs works well, that’s great, but you shouldn’t stick with the same move all the time.
Mix things up by touching their lip with your tongue, gentle flicks, and small circular motions. Basically, just make sure that you do a few different things. Otherwise, your partner is going to get bored.
21. Look to them for guidance if you’re struggling
It’s normal to panic or become a bit worried about learning how to French kiss if it’s your first time or you’re just super nervous.
In that case, just follow your partner’s lead. If they open their mouth, you do the same. If they touch your tongue, you do the same.
Soon, your confidence will grow, and you won’t need to look to them for guidance anymore.
22. Laugh off a mishap
Sometimes, the odd thing may go wrong. Embrace it! You might bump noses, or one of you might need to pull away really quickly to sneeze.
Life is rarely smooth, and that means you might have the odd mishap. Don’t worry about it! Just laugh it off together and get right back into it. It’s not meant to be a super-serious event!
With these tips on how to French kiss, you’ll be Frenching it up like a pro in no time!
23. Tilt your head to the side
Nothing says amateur, first-timer, or plain awful than someone who kisses with their head stiffly straight and upright while they pout their lips for the kiss.
By doing this, not only will you potentially bump your partner’s head and nose, but it’s just not comfortable, much less romantic.
So, in the moment, observe where your partner leans and tilt your head to the opposite side for the perfect position.
24. Wait for the right time
Test the waters to see if your partner just wants a short and sweet smack on the lips or something more intense, like the French kiss.
A good tongue kiss starts slow, with tongueless kissing at first. This is almost mandatory when it’s the first time you kiss your date.
To test the waters, dart your tongue in, open your mouth more widely, and ever so lightly sweep your lips on your partner’s lower lip.
If your partner reciprocates or opens their mouth more widely as well, then that’s your cue to keep going.
25. Keep your lips loose and relaxed
Remember, your lips must be slightly open and relaxed even while you’re puckered up. A stiff pucker is just awkward *unless you’re kissing your grandma*.
If you want to take your kiss to the next level, just pucker a little and open your mouth slightly.
26. All about pressure
At first, use feather-light and subtle pressure, so your lips are grazing over your partner’s. This builds more anticipation.
Once you start to use some tongue, keep this in mind too. Don’t make your tongue go around and dart all over their oral cavity like fish out of water. Start with soft and teasing pressure, and then as the passion builds, apply more pressure.
27. Take it slow
Even if you succeeded in inserting your tongue into your partner’s mouth for some passionate kissing, you still have to take things slow.
Besides, you’re not going anywhere—except maybe into their pants. Therefore, take your sweet time, be romantic about it, and just be in the moment.
28. Some tongue is just perfect
We’ve talked at length about how to use your tongue in a French kiss, but we haven’t gone into how much. So, how much tongue is just right? Be careful about how much tongue you use in kissing your date.
A little too much, no matter how subtle, can be a major turn-off. The best way to know just how much and how far you to go is to use your date’s body language as a gauge.
So, you dove headfirst into tongue kissing, and your partner is all for it. Now take time to explore with your tongue. Slide your tongue into your partner’s mouth and gently, sensually, move it around inside.
Even subtly play and tease your partner’s tongue by moving yours on top or below theirs. Their reciprocation and mirroring of what you’re doing is a great sign they like it as much as you do.
30. Give and take
There will be times when you take the lead and have your partner reciprocate by mirroring your moves.
Still, be open that there might be times when they set the tempo. Your kiss can be a good indication of how your relationship would go, so with this, learn to give and take.
31. Listening is key
Body language is not the only thing to think about here. You also must keep your ears open to their murmurs, moans, and sighs to know just how much they enjoy what you’re doing with your tongue—or not.
The important thing when learning how to French kiss is to not base your own moves on the movie kisses you see. Real-life kisses are far from this.
Rely on your own technique, which basically stems from what you are actually comfortable doing and the style you and your partner find pleasure in.
32. Pull their body closer to you
Pulling someone in closer during a kiss is incredibly romantic and will definitely intensify the moment of your kiss as a whole.
It can also distract them if you happen to lose rhythm in your kiss or accidentally get a bit sloppy. Romance covers up a little kissing faux pas or two.
33. Get a read on your partner
Don’t let yourself get so caught up in the moment that you forget about the person you’re kissing. If they want the kiss to end, they will start closing their mouth and kissing you less.
So, pay attention to their body language and their mouth. Otherwise, your kiss could get really awkward.
34. Watch your tongue!
Although tongue kissing is sexy, there is more to kissing than just swapping saliva.
You don’t want to be so tongue-heavy that your kiss gets unenjoyable or messy. So, take time doing other things and switch up the tongue kiss for something different every now and then.
35. Don’t rush the process!
It is important to remember that French kissing is, most of all, romantic! Take your time as you lean into the kiss and take your time during. Don’t rush a good thing; enjoy every aspect of the lead-up and the kiss itself.
36. Always begin with the tip of your tongue
No one wants a whole tongue to be wedged into the back of their throat straight away, so it’s important to start simply with a little flick of your tongue or just a tip touching their lip.
It’s unlikely that someone wants to feel like they are kissing their dog with slobber all over them. Just try the tip, and then go further if it feels right.
37. Grab the back of their head *or find something to hold onto and steady yourself*
A steady kiss is a good kiss. You don’t want to be falling off the couch or fumbling around to try and steady yourself, as this WILL ruin the moment!
A tried and true trick is to run your hands through their hair and grab onto the back of their head. This is a sexy move that will turn them on while also practically steadying your kiss.
38. Be relaxed
Don’t be too tense! Even if you don’t know what to do, pretend that you do. Fake it till you make it. Relax into the kiss and let it just happen naturally.
Don’t be uptight, no one likes an uptight kisser. Learning how to French kiss is pointless if you can’t relax into it.
39. Pull away to leave them wanting more
Don’t give your other half everything you’ve got in your locker the first time around. It is so important to leave them wanting more and wondering what the next kiss is going to be like.
Don’t let them tire of your kiss; let it naturally end when it feels right.
40. Play with their tongue as you get more comfortable
Tongue kissing is a practiced habit, and as you get more confident in your knowledge of French kissing, you can up the ante.
As you get more comfortable with your other half, you can play with their tongue and lick the inside of their lips to sensualize the moment.
41. Try a little lip-biting action
Tongue kissing is nothing without the things that work around it. A little nibble on the lip and a kiss on the side of the mouth will enhance your kissing technique.
It will also make you look like a kissing maestro.
42. Kiss other areas around the mouth to increase seduction
Don’t just focus on the mouth! Kissing is about seduction and arousal, as well as the sexual build-up to an intimate encounter.
Kiss sensual areas like the nape of the neck, and give them a nibble on their ear. All of these actions contribute to a fantastic kissing session.
43. Stay active during the kiss
Never let yourself go into autopilot mode when you’re kissing, especially when there are tongues involved! No one wants to kiss a robot, so change up your kissing and stay active during the kiss.
It’s the little surprises you throw into a kiss that keep that spark alive!
44. Don’t forget to get consent – and respect
You wouldn’t want to kiss someone who really didn’t want to kiss you, would you? Of course not! So, don’t forget to get consent from your partner ahead of time.
Also, be very respectful of your partner’s wishes too. If they want to take a break or change their mind about kissing, don’t force them to continue or be coercive.
45. Communicate with your partner
Now, this doesn’t mean you should have a conversation when you are kissing! Instead, make sure you take breaks to check in with them and see how they are feeling.
Ask them if they like what you are doing or if they want you to change it up. You need to make sure they are enjoying the kissing process.
46. Find what feels good to you
The kissing process involves two people, but you also need to figure out what makes you feel good too. It’s not just about your partner.
The more you French kiss, the more you will find the techniques and styles that you like best. When you do, don’t be afraid to communicate this to your kissing partner so they can continue doing it.
49. Know when to end it
You might be feeling very horny and want to keep kissing for hours upon hours. But maybe your partner doesn’t feel that way. While making out is fun, it can get tiring if you do it too long.
So, you need to get a feeling for your partner’s body language. If you sense that it’s time to stop kissing, then do it. You don’t want to “overstay your welcome,” so to speak. You want to leave them wanting more.
How do you practice French kissing?
As the saying goes, “practice makes perfect!” So, if you want to become a really good French kisser, you’ll have to practice. Here are some ways you can do that.
1. Use your fingers
Form an “O” with your index finger and thumb, then insert your other thumb into the circle. Pretend like the “O” is the other person’s lips and your other thumb is their tongue. Imagine that you are kissing another person and not your hand.
2. Use a piece of soft fruit
You can also try practicing with a piece of soft fruit. It could be a peach, apple, orange, or even a banana. Bite a hole in it and practice on the hole. Pretend like the fruit is their lips and the hole is their mouth and tongue.
3. With a friend or romantic partner
If you feel weird practicing French kissing on your hand or with a piece of fruit, then you can try to do it on another human being.
If you have a friend who also wants to practice, then that’s an option. And of course, you can always practice with your romantic partner too!
French kissing warnings
While French kissing can be hot and a lot of fun, there are some things you need to be cautious about too. Here are some things to consider.
1. Be careful if one or both of you has braces
Braces can be quite an obstacle when it comes to French kissing. If only one of you has them, then make sure that you kiss in a way so that the braces don’t irritate the other person.
And if both of you have them, you will have to be careful so that they don’t get caught together and lock the two of you together!
2. Don’t hesitate to pull away if you feel uncomfortable or don’t want to move forward
Usually, when two people kiss, it is because they both want to. But sometimes, only one does, and the other one is reluctantly going along with it.
So, if you are uncomfortable or changed your mind about wanting to kiss, don’t hesitate to stop it and pull away.
3. French kissing may transmit infectious diseases like herpes or mononucleosis
We usually think that having sex is the only way we can get some disease. But that’s not true.
Sure, you can get an STI/STD from sex, but you can also get herpes or mononucleosis from it too. Unfortunately, you can also get them from just French kissing. It’s not a pleasant thought, but it can happen. So be careful.